My first RotoHog experience: Thanks a lot, RotoHog. There I was, minding my own business, watching the Lakers struggle to survive without Pau, and Bynum, and Ariza, AND Mihm! (Actually, Chris Mihm, take your time and rest up). Sure, I had read a few baseball articles online and listened to some interviews from Joe Torre and John Smoltz on the radio. I gathered the courage to engage in a water cooler discussion over Lance Berkman (who?) and chin music (which is NOT a player spitting chew in someone’s face as my tormenters would have my naïve self believe). That was last week. Then, it happened. The Trading Floor went live on Monday. You got me RotoHog. I’m hooked and I don’t even know what I’m doing! In a game of skill where you buy and sell players to build your team value, ignorance and addiction is a pretty dangerous combination.

First I bought Miguel Cabrera. After reassurance from the peanut gallery that this was an acceptable selection, I went mainstream and picked up Jeter. I was immediately scoffed at. Jeter has since made me $2.69 richer (suckers). Next, I scrounged up Ian Kennedy and added him to my roster. This Yankee pitcher is a part of my Trojan family, and, throughout my fantasy drafts, I’ve always supported my fellow USC alumni. Unfortunately, Nick Young (voted one of the worst rookies by Basketball Prospectus) and Gabe Pruitt (temporarily recalled from the NBDL) did not pan out so well, but I’m satisfied with a $0.35 gain from Kennedy. Baby steps, people.

I started reaching out for advice from others. The only girl I know that possesses more sports knowledge than me, especially about baseball, suggested I buy Bib Popy. Once I deciphered that comment, I bought Ortiz (Big Papi). Trace, I am now questioning your baseball acumen. Since then, Ortiz has cost me more than $5 and contributed a stellar -2.13 points. He is now, and forever will be, Bib Popy to me.

So far, I had a third baseman, short stop, utility player, and one completely unknown pitcher that I bought for sentimental reasons (can you say sleeper!) on my roster. While I know from reading JibJab’s blog (selfless and noble plug of competitor’s article) that you should try and increase your balance by purchasing players you feel are undervalued, that theory was difficult to put into practice when, need I remind you, I know as much about baseball as JibJab knows about the ladies (zing!). Before I started making money hand over fist, I wanted to buy some big name players so I could actually get some points. I bought C.C. Sebathia and immediately regretted that decision. After buying several more players and then immediately selling them at the first sign of red, I ended up with this roster:

Jason Varitek, Daric Barton, Chase Utley, Derek Jeter, Miguel Cabrera, Andruw Jones, Jacoby Ellsbury, Grady Sizemore, David Ortiz, Lastings Milledge, Brandon Webb, Ian Kennedy, Huston Street, and John Papelbon

My tenure at RotoHog didn’t begin until two weeks into the football season, so this was my first Trading Floor/Opening Day experience. Imagine my surprise (and imagine me bragging obnoxiously about picking up Lastings Milledge with no help from anyone) as my team value rose almost $30.00 the first day! Now, imagine me quietly cursing Bib Popy and Papelbon as my team value dropped faster than office productivity once March Madness started. After my first week of RotoHog Fantasy Baseball, I’m off to an abysmal start with -35.94 points. Where did I go wrong? Who should I try and pick up? Have you ever seen someone look coordinated while running with a backpack? Give me the inside scoop. P to the s… don’t tell JibJab.

P + P to the S power – check out this video we just made called Roto-Harmony