Alright, I’m sobered up, cooled down, and ready to discuss this Brett Favre business a little more rationally.  I’ll try, at least.  I fully expect this to crumble into a heaping bowl of expletives by the end.  Keep reading.

Before I start, a few things to clear up after any potential commotion caused by Part I of my Brett Favre rants:

• Apologies to my wife. When I referred to preferring my "buck toothed girlfriend" it was purely hypothetical. You are my Brett Favre of women, but without the baggage. That sounds bad, but whatever.
• Apologies to fat people. It's not your fault that you're big boned.
• I am not a drunk. Instead, I am a light weight. That piece was written after two glasses of wine. I'm not even joking.
• Wisconsin, I still love you. Some of you annoy the hell out of me, but I won't focus my hatred on a single state. I hate all people equally.

Now that I’ve patched up some relationships, let’s move on.  Just as we should all do regarding this Brett Favre crap – once I’ve finished writing this, of course.

If you read Part I of this saga, I’m a Packer fan who has cut the cord on Brett Favre.  The moment Favre expressed his desire to play for the Vikings, I drafted up an apology letter (ok, an e-mail – who writes letters?) to all of the friends I’ve annoyed over the years with endless rants about Brett’s godlike greatness.  I think I hit everyone.  If you’re wondering where the hell your e-mail is, hit me up.  I’m cleansed now.  And ready to move on.  I think.

The roller coaster of emotions that this has caused for Packers fans forces one to be somewhat philosophical.  I know, it’s stupid.  We take our team and ourselves way too seriously.  We love, we hate, we’re up, we’re down, we love Oprah, we hate Dr. Phil.  The thing is, these extremes aren’t limited to Packers fans.  By definition, the “best” fans are the most irrational.  We’re freaking nuts.

And realizing that I’m nuts, I’m able to step back and be a little introspective (is it “introspective” when you step back?  Shouldn’t I be stepping “in”?).  I’ve realized something about how our thoughts are all influenced by emotion.  Some more than others (I’m looking at you), but as logical as we all try to be there is always some sort of end game we have in mind when staking a claim to our beliefs, opinions and criticisms.  While he was with the Packers, I considered Brett Favre the greatest quarterback of all time.  Ultimately, it was in my best interests to believe this.  It validates the team and players I root for.  And following Favre’s announcement that he wanted to be a member of the Minnesota Vikings, he became an overrated, unnecessary risk taker who benefitted from a strong supporting cast and was destined to burn in hell.

So in a way, the shlubs who root for other teams may in fact be the best judge of Favre’s greatness.  Of course, they may knock him down a peg to make room for the quarterback of their team.  Man, we’re all a bunch of selfish pricks as fans.  Always looking to increase the love for the team that never loves us back.

So take everything I say with a grain of salt, as I’m sure you already do.  My opinions will vary depending on how they will ultimately benefit me.  I’m a cross between a car salesman and a chameleon like that.  That’s the way I roll.  Or as they say in New Jersey, “That’s how we do!”

What’s funny about this whole mess is that my family and I just moved from New Jersey a little over a month ago.  How freaking nuts would that have been to live in that state as a Packers fan while Favre is running Broadway?  It could have gone one of two ways:  1) I may have accepted this more maturely; or 2) I would have gone on a state-wide punching spree.  I think I would have ended up accepting this more maturely, but you never know.  And if you’re going to live in a crap hole like New Jersey, at least I can have Brett Favre around to make it feel like home.  You know, cuz we would’ve been buds.  Buds or not, there is benefit in handling it maturely, and little benefit in going on a punching spree.  Introspection.

Oh, by the way.  Let me be up front about something.  New Jersey freaking sucks.  Don’t listen to anyone who says otherwise.  I tried to convince my wife of New Jersey’s beauty after bribing her into the move three years ago, but it is an absolute cesspool.  I’m not going to go into all of the details (ok, I will but not in this paragraph), but understand it earns its reputation. 

This is why I found it hilarious when I heard on New York sports radio yesterday that Favre was convinced to make the move to the Jets because of all of the things that New Jersey had to offer.  “They call it the Garden State for a reason!”  Wildlife.  Hunting.  Fishing.  Just like home, Brett.

If you saw the look on his face as he was being introduced as a Jet, I think you’ll notice he quickly realized he had been scammed.  There are trees when you get out of the Newark area.  They have what they call “mountains” although they are little more than over glorified hills.  But the place has a raging traffic problem, no matter where you are in the state – it is, after all, the densest state in the country.  Most places are dirty, and considering Jersey collects more taxes than any state in the country you wonder why this is the case (other than to stuff the pockets of the mob so that more HBO specials can be created).  People are generally rude (except for those in the community you know, of course), and there is absolutely no service to speak of.  Outside of that, New Jersey rocks.

So enjoy New Jersey, Brett.  It’s just like home.  If you live in a puke bucket.

I will say, though, that seeing Brett Favre in a New York Jets hat was freaking painful.  Hell, it looked like it was painful for him.  My anger dissipated to sadness, and even a small part of me felt bad for him and became angry with Packers management.  Brett Favre tends to do that to people, that dick.  He’s like the puppy that repeatedly craps on your couch.  You can only be mad for so long before you feel bad for the fact the he has weak bowels. 

I do wish something could have been figured out.  And although Favre completely jumbled up this mess himself, one apparent fact bugs the hell out of me:  Having Brett Favre on the roster makes the Packers better than not having him on the roster.  Assuming, of course, they could have gotten past the circus and hurt egos.

Look, I can’t see the future.  Aaron Rodgers might be a rock star this year.  But even if he is the better QB (not real likely, but possible), I’d sure feel a whole lot better about life with Brett Favre as the back-up as opposed to rookies Brian Brohm or Matt Flynn.  Make no mistake, my anger towards Favre doesn’t mean I didn’t want him on the team (until the Vikings stuff of course, but stay with me).  Had he simply committed to playing again back in March instead of retiring, I’d lead the Favre for MVP chant.  But he screwed it up, and in the process pissed off some of the wrong people who don’t like being messed with (believe it or not, I’m not talking about myself).  So talking about working out a way to fit Favre on the roster is kind of like working out a way to fit me back into college.  Burned too many bridges, and you come to a point where you’re just too damn old to make it work.  But man, I’d love to make it work.  College was freaking awesome!

I’ve read some things that help make me feel a little better about the situation.  ESPN’s John Clayton might be the nerdiest dude in football, but I’ve always liked him.  Hilarious on TV – unintentional hilarity.  And considering he seems to think along the same lines I do about this situation, he’s incredibly intelligent.  I encourage you to read his take on this.  In a nutshell, aging QB’s rarely leave the team that made them famous, but when they do they don’t tend to find success.  People often bring up Joe Montana in Kansas City, but the truth is he was bothered by injuries for two seasons with them, the Chiefs were already successful before him, and offensive numbers dropped after he arrived.  Sure, they won two playoff games in his first season, but it wasn’t as rosy as many seem to remember.  And outside of Montana, try to come up with a success story.  You can’t.

Another reason I’ve come to peace with the move is the realization that, although elite QB’s don’t tend to move on, aging superstars who hang on too long often do.  And you rarely remember the team they finish their careers with.  I found this quiz at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Online website today.  Try to match the players with their final team:

1. Emmitt Smith
2. Johnny Unitas
3. Joe Montana
4. Eric Dickerson
5. Reggie White
6. Forrest Gregg
7. Art Monk
8. Deion Sanders
9. Joe Namath
10. Jerry Rice
11. Earl Campbell
12. O.J. Simpson

A. Philadelphia Eagles
B. Kansas City Chiefs
C. San Francisco 49ers
D. San Diego Chargers
E. New Orleans Saints
F. Carolina Panthers
G. Dallas Cowboys
H. Seattle Seahawks
I. Baltimore Ravens
J. Los Angeles Rams
K. Arizona Cardinals
L. Atlanta Falcons

Some of these are easy, especially the recent ones.  Emmitt Smith, Joe Montana, Deion Sanders.  I remember Reggie White, but only because I’m a Packers fan.  Eric Dickerson with Atlanta?  He actually was traded to the Packers, but failed his physical.  I had forgotten that Jerry Rice finished up his “Farewell Tour That Would Never End” with the Seahawks.  That was a great and memorable decision.

What does this mean?  It means I can find happiness if Favre follows the trend and plays like crap this season.  As much as I want to be civil about this and pull for his success, I just don’t work like that.  I want the Jets’ season to go down in an embarrassing meatball of injuries, failures and blunders. 

In the end, no one knows what the hell is going to happen.  Although it is helpful to compare, history will not determine the future.  Favre’s 28 touchdowns and 15 interceptions don’t guarantee success with the Jets just as the fact that he threw for eight more interceptions than touchdowns the previous two seasons didn’t guarantee failure in 2007.  He may be Joe Montana with the Chiefs.  Or Johnny Unitas with the Chargers.  Or he may do something no one has ever done before.  Similarly, no one has any clue how Aaron Rodgers will do.  He’s had issues with injuries in his rare opportunities so far, but that doesn’t mean he’ll have the same issues this year.  And maybe, just maybe, he or Brian Brohm are freaking studs.  Or Coke will turn to Pepsi.  Or, it’s entirely possible that the Packers are overrated as a unit and would have failed regardless of the quarterback running the offense.  If that happens, you know that the Favre-iphants will claim the team would have been better with Favre, but that assumes that the surrounding cast is as good as everyone thinks it is.

That’s the problem.  We don’t know.  Just like no one predicted a 13-3 season for the Packers this season, you can’t put much stake in criticism of this move – or any move – until it all plays out.  I’m talking to you, fat, shirtless bald man with a can of Milwaukee’s Best and a machete in your hand.  I know, you hate Ted Thompson.  He gave your Brett away.  He and the rest of the “Three Stooges” all need to be fired.  Or worse.  But, can you just let this play out first before you begin the castration?  Please?

Meanwhile, I’ll be talking up every Aaron Rodgers touchdown like he’s the second coming of God.  You know, Brett Favre.