The NFL offseason is usually full of stories – the draft, free agency, training camps – but the headlines have been dominated lately by stories of a different kind.  I’m talking about the kind of stories where phrases like “boating while intoxicated” pop up.  Or “informant for the DEA” or “maybe shot a guy.”  Yes, for some players, the offseason is just too boring – so they try to liven it up, usually by getting arrested.  For all those players making the kinds of headlines their mother’s wouldn’t be proud of, I’ve assembled the RotoHog F“ALL”en Pro Team. Here’s a position by position breakdown of the pros who have been spotted on the police blotter this summer.

OFFENSE

Quarterback – Matt Leinart, Arizona Cardinals

Ex-Trojan Matt Leinart made headlines earlier this year when some “scandalous” pictures of him surfaced, featuring him at a party when many in the organization thought he should be working to rehab the balky collarbone that sidelined him for most of last year.  I mean, as if 12-ounce diminishing curls isn’t exercise.  And aren’t beer bongs a normal part of every team’s offseason conditioning program?  And you can see him here taking a therapeutic hot tub.  That’s the kind of rehab I’m talking about.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Michael Vick, free agent (dog fighting).  I smell a sequel to The Longest Yard here.

Running Back – Cedric Benson, free agent (released by the Chicago Bears)

The Cedric Benson Saga dominated the police blotter for most of the early summer.  On May 3, Benson was arrested for boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest.  He followed this up just over a month later with a more mundane DUI.  He was released shortly thereafter by the Bears and has yet to latch on with another team – and many question if he ever will.  But hey, if Ricky Williams can make a comeback with the Miami Dolphins, it isn’t a stretch to figure that some team will take a chance on his fellow Longhorn alum.

Running Back – Marshawn Lynch, Buffalo Bills

Lynch recently pleaded guilty to hit and run.  Supposedly, Lynch hit a woman while driving in Buffalo – and drove all the way home not knowing that he hit someone.  Yeah, sounds fishy to me too.  His punishment?  $150 in fines and his driver’s license suspended.  As if he can’t hire to someone to drive him around.  Hey, I hear Cedric Benson is looking for a job…

Wide Receiver – Javon Walker, Oakland Raiders

Usually, when somebody passes out on a sidewalk in Vegas, it’s because they had too many free drinks at the craps table.  Not Javon Walker.  Apparently, Walker was assaulted and robbed and left unconscious.  He suffered a concussion and facial injuries.  But the damage done to his face pales in comparison to the damage done to his wallet – whoever knocked him out walked away with $100K and jewelry.  I guess that’ll teach him not to wear his bling on the Strip.

Wide Receiver – Marvin Harrison, Indianapolis Colts

Who’d have thought that the squeaky-clean Harrison would’ve ended up on the police blotter?  Well, that’s exactly what happened when Harrison was investigated in early May in connection to a shooting near a bar he owns in Philadelphia.  Apparently (get used to that phrase – all this stuff is usually “apparently” or “allegedly”), some dude came into Harrison’s bar, argued with Harrison, and left.  Harrison followed.  Shots were fired, the dude got hit in the hand, and bullet casings matching Harrison’s gun were found.  Not good.  Sounds like he should’ve just gotten into commercials like Peyton Manning.

Wide Receiver – Matt Jones, Jacksonville Jaguars

Jones is the latest addition to the summer police blotter.  Last Thursday, he was arrested with two of his boys near the campus of his alma mater, Arkansas, as they were doing coke in his SUV.  The fuzz also found a jar with “possible marijuana residue.”  Apparently, weed really is a gateway drug like all those D.A.R.E. videos said.  Yeah, I just dropped a D.A.R.E. reference.  Anyway, Jones is currently doing the whole denial thing while the league figures out whether or not to punish him.  I’ll be sure to keep tabs on this one.

(Dis)Honorable Mention(s): Chris Henry, free agent (DUI, drug possession, assault, everything but stealing the kitchen sink) and Brandon Marshall, Denver Broncos (DUI, beating his girlfriend).

Tight End – Daniel Graham, Denver Broncos

Graham was arrested earlier this year for harassment and “suspicion of criminal mischief” in connection with a fight with his girlfriend.  I’ve always liked that one, criminal mischief.  It’s like the big-league equivalent of TP-ing someone’s house.  I mean, how do you tell someone you got arrested for criminal mischief?  “I held up a liquor store.  What are you in for?”  “Uh…”  See what I mean?

Offensive Line – Nick Kaczur, New England Patriots

This one is a personal favorite of mine.  And not just because I hate the Patriots.  Okay, mostly because I hate the Patriots.  But still, this one’s pretty classic.  Apparently, allegedly, etc., Kaczur was arrested for possession of oxycodone, a prescription painkiller, in April.  Then the DEA stepped in and made Kaczur wear a wire during a sting on the dealer he got the pills from.  That’s some crazy Michael Mann-style stuff right there.  He can sell the movie rights right now and retire.

Offensive Line – Stockar McDougle, free agent (late of the Jacksonville Jaguars)

Another doozy from an offensive lineman.  Also, I just used the word ‘doozy.’  Moving on, McDougle was arrested in Florida late last year for – wait for it – felony battery on a person 65 years of age or older.  The confrontation stemmed from an argument with the owner of a plant nursery about money owed.  So wait a minute – this dude beat up an old person at a plant nursery?  That’s even worse than criminal mischief.  Incredible.

DEFENSE

Defensive Ends – Jevon Kearse, Tennessee Titans and Matt Roth, Miami Dolphins

DUI and public intoxication, respectively.  Apparently, football players and booze don’t mix so well.  Maybe stick to Gatorade next time guys, eh?

Defensive Tackle – Rocky Bernard, Seattle Seahawks

This one is a bit more interesting.  Bernard was arrested in April for punching his ex-girlfriend in the forehead at a Seattle nightclub.  Who does that?  Punches a girl in the forehead?  I don’t even know what to say to that.  That’s some serious baby mama drama.

Defensive Tackle – Mike Patterson, Philadelphia Eagles

The former Trojan was arrested in mid-February, along with his brother, after smoking too much reefer and getting into an accident.  I mean, the Funyuns and Twinkies couldn’t have waited until later?  Yeah, the munchies suck, but so does getting arrested.  Think about that the next time you spark up.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Tank Johnson, Dallas Cowboys (too many charges to list).  Hopefully Johnson cleans up his act in Dallas, although teaming up with Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones has a “COPS” episode written all over it.

Outside Linebackers – Michael Boley, Atlanta Falcons and James Harrison, Pittsburgh Steelers

Battery and simple assault, respectively, with Harrison getting slapped with criminal mischief as well.  Both “allegedly” got physical with their wife/girlfriend during an argument and got put behind bars for it.  While both are rising stars on the football field, they should try to keep their aggression in check off it.  At least neither of them went Rae Carruth on us.

Middle Linebacker – Lofa Tatupu, Seattle Seahawks

Another of USC’s finest, Tatupu was arrested for driving under the influence back in May.  He had a blood alcohol level of almost .16 – twice the legal limit – and was pulled over when officers noticed his 2006 Hyundai driving erratically.  What I want to know is why was Tatupu driving a freaking Hyundai?  Lofa, buddy, I’ve got three letters for you that ain’t DUI – B, M, W.  Seriously.

Cornerback – Adam “Galaga” Jones

Yeah, that was a really bad arcade game joke.  Anyway, Jones has been arrested has been arrested or questioned by police more times than Travis Henry has illegitimate kids.  The most serious charge stemmed from an incident in which he and Nelly – yes, that Nelly – threw hundreds of dollars onto the stage at a Las Vegas strip club.  Jones was suspended for the entire 2007 season and is only now on the road back to reinstatement.  During his suspension, he managed to get himself traded to the Cowboys.  Let’s hope he doesn’t start hanging out with Tank Johnson.

Cornerback – Kenny Wright, free agent (released by the Cleveland Browns)

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny.  Wright was arrested twice in almost a month earlier this year for charges pertaining to marijuana possession.  Personally, I never got how so many athletes get busted for pot.  I mean, aren’t your lungs supposed to be in pretty great shape for you to be able to play sports professionally?  I mean, unless you’re like a first baseman or something.  That I could see.  Not an NFL cornerback.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: Fabian Washington, Baltimore Colts (another domestic violence arrest).  Keep yo hands off the women, guys.  Unless they ask you to.

Free Safety – Darren Stone, Atlanta Falcons

Another DUI. Yawn.  Interesting fact: Darren Stone played college football at the University of Maine.  Which is not interesting at all.  I wonder if Stone had a better car than Lofa Tatupu.  Probably not, because he’s a backup.  Oh well.

Strong Safety – Gerald Sensabaugh, Jacksonville Jaguars

Sensabaugh was arrested last month in Tennessee for reckless driving.  He was reportedly (ah, that’s a new one, I was getting tired of apparently and allegedly) doing wheelies on his motorcycle.  You’d think he’d have a little more, ahem, “sense.”  I mean, hasn’t he heard of Ben Roethlisberger or Jay Williams?  Not smart.

Well, since kickers and punters are a bunch of pansies and never get arrested, we’ll skip them for now.  Although it wouldn’t surprise me if Sebastian Janikowski got in a bar brawl or something.  I’ll keep my eyes out for that.  Anyway, no team would be complete without a coach, and it just so happens that I’ve got the perfect coach for this team…

Coach – Bill Belichick, New England Patriots

C’mon, you knew this was coming.  Belichick may not have broken any real laws, but he definitely broke NFL rules with Spygate, and Commissioner Goodell wasn’t too happy about it.  He docked Belichick’s Patriots a 1st round pick and Belichick’s wallet $500K.  Pretty steep, but I think it would’ve been hilarious if they suspended him for all or part of next season.  Of course, he’d probably just use the time off to figure out new ways to cheat.  Which makes him the perfect coach for this team.

By the time you’ve read this, there will probably be two or three more guys who show up on the blotter.  I swear, I can’t turn on SportsCenter without seeing another story about some football player getting arrested.  This is just the best of the bunch.  So, is there anybody we missed?  Got an all-blotter team from another sport?  Talk a little smack, let us know what you think!

Stay tuned week to week and please add your comments and links to our Police Blotter below: