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The Love Guru's advice to real life celebrity athlete couples
Shane Igoe · June 19th, 2008
Mike Myers is such a hockeyhead that the plot of his upcoming movie, The Love Guru, centers around his hometown team the Toronto Maple Leafs. In the movie Myers' character is hired to lift a down and out Maple Leaf who's wife has left him for a rival hockey player played by Justin Timberlake. The guru not only helps the puckhead but in turn he adjusts the mojo of the entire club which hasn't won the Stanley Cup in 40 over years. While Myers character is focused on some fictional relationships on ice we speculated on some advice he could lend to some real life athletes and celebrity couples. We wondered what The Love Guru's advice might be for..... - Avoid Colorado Hotels - Turn down your own sheets… avoid maid service while on the road - Avoid getting caught up in Vanessa C.'s Pom Poms
- Start on your quest for another ring ASAP (we not referring to a NBA championship ring here) rather another ring to appease/distract your wife
2. A-ROD/wife Cynthia
- StrayRod... stay away from Toronto Strip clubs
- Stop texting Pete Rose as people might get the wrong idea - Don't covet Canseco's lady… as you might not get invited to Jose's next pool party 3. Bill Belichick/mistress Sharon Shenocca - Whatever you do don't video tape any sessions - Next time you choose a mistress avoid NJ / Jets territory 4. Tony Romo/girlfriend Jessica Simpson - Don't allow her into Cowboy's luxury box during critical games - Remember girlfriend's Dads don't necessarily make good managers… unless of course you aspire to someday open for the Jonas brothers - Instruct Jessica to refer to your ex-coach "Tuna" as "Chicken of the Sea" when you play the Dolphins 5. Mike Tyson/ex-wife Robin Givens/future girlfriends - Avoid Ear Nibbling - Limit exchanging jabs to other fighters not wives/girlfriends - Don't have children or at least avoid having them as appetizers 6. Ronaldo/Call Girls - When inquiring about pay for hire services, make sure to kick the tires and check under the hood thus ensuring that any goods received are as advertised 7. Roger Clemens/Mindy McCready/wife Debbie
- Keep in mind... 15 year old country singers = 15 years in the pokey (wait... is that the title of a country song already?) - When your wife decides to pose for SI with you in a dual photo shoot, try make sure you have bigger muscles than her 8. Alyssa Milano / assorted MLBers - We realize you are a blogger for MLB.com and also have you own clothing line for MLB , but we all know your true designs… to start your own pitching rotation (Brad Penny. Carl Pavano, Barry Zito… who's next) - Given their records after you have tossed them aside please stay away from Kerry Wood…. for Cubs fans' sake 9. Reggie Bush/girlfriend Kim Kardashian - If you don't start producing soon for the Saints you too will be referred to by fans as "The Goat" not just your girlfriend 10. Tom Brady / girlfriend Gisele B. / baby momma Bridget M. - Considering your naming tendencies (you named your first son J.E.T. Brady) and given the other AFC East teams should we expect Bill, Fish(er), and Pat to follow? 11. David Beckham/wife Victoria/Nanny Abbie Gibson/model Esther Canadas - Avoid having an affair with your Kid's nanny and avoid writing anymore "Dear Abbie" text messages. - Since you are in Hollywood perhaps follow the LA trend and hire a "Manny" – note to DB…. this does not mean hire Manny Ramirez rather consider hiring a man nanny. 12. Matt Leinart / Co-eds - If you can't beat them join them? Horny = longhorns. - Ain't no Pool Party like a co-ed ASU Pool Party - When out on the prowl remember to be aTrojan Man (esp. with USC women's basketball members) 13. Jennie Finch / husband Casey Daigle - How does one get to second base with you? What would my on base percentage be? - Drop that minor league prospect of a husband… 14. Tony Parker/ wife Eva Longoria - Remember Eva lives on Wisteria Lane while Evan lives around Wisteria Florida… try not to mix up the two Frenchie 15. Tiger Woods / wife Elin Nordegren - So Dr. exactly how many months bed rest does knee surgery require? 16. Sean Avery / ex-Elisha Cuthbert - If you thought the NHL blogger had eyes everywhere before... beware Avery as Elisha can go 24 on your ass and sic Jack Bauer on you.
Who have we forgotten? Barry Bonds and his assistant Kimberly Bell, Chuck Finley and Tawny Kitaen , Nomar and Mia, Ashely Judd and Dario Franchitti, Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, Steve Garvey and his assorted wives, … add what advice you think the Love Guru would dispense to these or other celebrity sports couples and the 10 funniest will win one of our 10 shirts.
Comment away below... 10 best win the shirt above. |
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