Check out what a friend of mine is doing to select his final groomsman. I can assure you this is 100% real.
_________________________________________________________________

Potential Groomsman:

As most of you are aware, I am forcing [BRIDE] to marry me on XXXXX,2009, in XXXXX. Since it is impossible to choose any one of you, my original goal was to keep the Groomsmen as "family only." However, with [BRIDE]'s latest addition, there are currently an uneven number of Bridesmaids to Groomsmen. I love each and every one of you, and would be proud to have anyone on this list in the Wedding Party. ...but I cannot choose. SO, instead of forcing me to pick, I am placing the onus squarely on each of your shoulders. Knowing the competitive nature of all of you, I am organizing a COMPETITION to decide America's Next Top Groomsman. The winner will be a Groomsman in my wedding, an asterisk in the wedding program so all are aware of the skills possessed by the winner to acquire the title, and wear a special sash at the Rehearsal Dinner.

The specifics are as follows:

Name of Event: America's Next Top Groomsman
Date of Event: XXXX 2008
Time of Event: 8:00 a.m. - completion
Place of the Event: TBA
Judges: [GROOM], [BEST MAN] and [BRIDE]
Events: There will be AT LEAST five events. This is still a work in progress and subject to change at my exclusive discretion.

Event #1: Creepy Photos - This event starts NOW. The winner of this event will be the one that submits the CREEPIEST photograph. There are only two criteria: It must be CREEPY and YOU must be in the photograph somewhere. Remember, "creepy" does not mean "funny" or weird." I suggest that each of you immediately destroy all remnants of this photograph after submission, lest your run for Mayor of West Hollywood will be foiled. This will be one of the few subjective events. Your Creepy Photo will be handed to the Judges at the beginning of the event in hard copy form (not digital). Failure to bring a Creepy Photo immediately disqualifies you from the event.

Event #2: Race for the Cure (of Scoliosis) - it is currently undetermined whether this will be a mile run, a shuttle run, or a 40 yard dash. This will likely be held in the morning before the sun comes up and murders everyone.

Event #3: Tournament of Chumpions - this event will be a beer pong tournament; everyone for themselves. A tournament bracket will be drafted, with individuals pitted against one another at random. There will have to be a "loser's bracket" to determine the amount of Points received.

Event #4: Ziggy Piggy - due to my esophagus-condition, I was informed by my doctor that I am forbidden to eat hotdogs, as it is the only meat that does not digest enough in my saliva to make it down my narrow pipe. So, since I cannot eat them, YOU MUST EAT AS MANY AS YOU CAN IN FIFTEEN MINUTES!

Event #5: Goodbye Rainbow Road (Hello Moo Moo Farm) - Mario Kart 64 is quite possibly the best game ever made, and a tournament will be set up to determine if Wario's-a-gonna-win, if Toad's the best, or if Luigi is-a-number-one.

Event #6: Poke-her in the Back - poker tournament, Texas Hold 'em - No Limit. There's also a $20 buy-in, to make things extra interesting.

Event #7: TOP SECRET EVENT - this event will be held last and kept under wraps.

Event #8: The Brain Rattler - The Judges will keep track of total amount of beers drank over entire day of events. When you finish a beer, you must present the empty can to the Judges so they can credit you for the drink. Any contestant seen pouring out a beer OR taking his beer into the bathroom will be immediately disqualified from his event. Puking also disqualifies you. Remember, winning this event may inhibit your competition in all other events, so drink carefully.

In order to qualify for American's Next Top Groomsman, you must:

1. Be available XXXX, 2008, and compete in all events
2. Be ready, willing, and able to take part in all wedding events (wedding shower, wedding itself, rehearsal dinner, etc.)
3. Wear the designated "American's Next Top Groomsman" gear during the entire competition, which shall include a T-Shirt designed by the Judges, short shorts, knee-high tube socks, wrist bands and a head band.

POINT SYSTEM:

The winner of each event will receive 10 points. Second place will receive 9, and so on and so on. If there are more than 10 competitors, and you place 11th in that event, you will get zero points (10th place would get one point). The total point tally will be kept secret by the Judges until the ELIMINATION CEREMONY.

ELIMINATION CEREMONY:

At the end of all the events, an Elimination Ceremony will be held. Here, the Judges will disclose the total points of each person, as well as a showing of all "Creepy" Pictures and an analysis of each. One-by-one, you will be eliminated. The last person left (with the highest total amount of points) will be America's Next Top Groomsman.

So PLEASE let me know by XXXXXX, whether you will be competing. If I DO NOT HEAR from you by that date, I will assume you cannot make it. I need to know by that date, so the Judges can craft the events, order t-shirts, etc. I will also entertain ideas for other events, or modification of the existing events. All events subject to change up until the date of the Competition. I apologize for all non-local invitees, as it will be difficult to attend the event. However, it is the location where most people will have access.