10. “Find and kill Osama bin Laden, then donate the $25 million reward.”

9. “Declare himself a polygamist and join that group in Texas, where sex with 15-year-olds is accepted.”

8. “Marry Julia Roberts, America’s sweetheart, who’d have to leave her husband and kids, i.e., acceptable ancillary damage.”

7. “Go on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ because if this show has proven anything, it’s that Americans are willing to forgive anyone who makes an ass of themselves.”